


A Compromise In Gray

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Idril’s Femslash [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Amilyn Holdo Needs A Hug, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Femslash undertones, Missing Scene, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, The Chains of Command
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:29:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Neither woman is bad — they both think they’re doing the right thing, after all.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo/Kaydel Ko Connix
Series: Idril’s Femslash [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044765
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Ladies Bingo 2020





	A Compromise In Gray

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Spy
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing

  
She’s supposed to keep watch while Finn and Rose are on that mission. Kaydel knows that. She promised Poe, and besides, her friends’ lives depend on it. She hates to be that sort of woman who tears another woman down, but Vice Admiral Holdo, so far, hasn’t really inspired much confidence to make Kaydel think that she’s a good substitute to Leia Organa.   
  
(And she doesn’t seem to like anyone on the Raddus, which is a real dealbreaker)  
  
Kaydel is already heading back to her post when she notices Vice Admiral Holdo looking, for lack of a better word, tired. (Is it sexist to say that she looks like she’s carrying the whole galaxy on her shoulders? Kaydel can’t help but wonder)  
  
“Are you all right, Admiral?” Kaydel says, cautiously. Everyone else seems to be elsewhere. Kaydel hopes it won’t bite them in the cargo hold.   
  
"I am,” Holdo says. Then, “I know the way you look at me, Lieutenant Connix. You don’t trust me. You think I don’t care about the people dying.” A beat. “I do care."  
  
"You keep thinking going...forward is a good idea,” Kaydel says.   
  
“Forward is all we can do.”  
  
“We don’t have to. We can just..." Kaydel trails off. How does she actually tell Holdo about all this?  
  
She can’t. She’s been sworn to secrecy.   
  
"I think,” Holdo says, “You have some uncompromising principles of your own. Those you won’t give up easily. You remind me...you do remind me of Leia, at least a bit.”  
  
Leia. Kaydel has to admit, she didn’t think that Holdo would actually compliment her, of all people. “You knew General Organa?”  
  
“You could say that.”  
  
 _Cryptic again, isn’t she?_ “I just don’t want anyone else to die, Admiral,” Kaydel says. “I don’t want to die. Not if there’s another way.”  
  
Holdo nods. “You can say that me and guilt over what happens to others are on a first name basis, Lieutenant.”  
  
It’s the most open that Kaydel has ever seen with Holdo, now that she thinks about it. The woman who got so defensive when Poe wanted to know their plan for evading the First Order...Kaydel’s decided she doesn’t get her. Not even a little bit. This woman is enigmatic, cryptic — and a bizarrely enticing puzzle to try and pull apart.   
  
Holdo continues. “When I was a girl, I was fascinated with death. It’s taken me years to know it’s far from glorious.”  
  
"Is there hope, Admiral?” Kaydel says.   
  
“There is, Lieutenant Connix,” Holdo says. “Hope is like the sun, after all."  
  
Kaydel already knows what she means. Leia liked that quote. Leia liked that a lot.   
  
Kaydel watches as she leaves, as she seems almost queenly as she walks away. The durasteel lady, trying to keep it together even though she is clearly weighed down by death.   
  
Holdo...she can’t keep lying to her. Even for a friend. It occurs to Kaydel that she really does feel terrible — but it’s for the best. To save lives. Holdo...maybe she’ll understand. Maybe she won’t forgive Kaydel for enabling what Poe, Finn and Rose are doing.   
  
Kaydel stands near the window of the Raddus, and she hopes that somehow, everyone’s going to win. 


End file.
